Today I had one of "those" kids.. you know the ones. By the time church started I was happy to drop him off in the nursery and go to my class. I thought I was going to lose my mind. The whining and the tantrums are increasing and it terrifies me. Holly and Jan could barely work with him in therapy today and I just didn't even know what to do. When he gets going there is no making him happy; HE has to decide when he's done. I don't know if he's just being a 13 month old or if the pressure is back. He was 5 1/2 months old when he had surgery and while that was 8 months ago I still clearly remember what life was like then, and it wasn't sunshine and roses. Monday's appointment with Dr. Kelly can't come soon enough for me.
I feel like as the day progressed I just got more and more irritated. I wasn't irritated at anything in particular, just everything. I'm going to have to apologize to the poor girl at McDonald's the next time we're in there because I wasn't very nice when we were ordering. Why is it that they change their menu every week anyway?! When we got home from church I just started cleaning. I clean when I'm stressed out or when I'm angry. I scrubbed the whole bathroom, cleaned the kitchen, washed a load of laundry, and mopped 3 rooms before I finally decided I was calm enough to sit and get lost in the computer for a bit. I feel like there are so many things bugging me right now so I'm going to do something crazy and just list them:
1. Having to start over on my Metformin regimen and deal with side effects again.
2. Sullivan's medical problems and not knowing how to help him.
3. Matthew's schoolwork and the time it takes away from our family.
4. Trying to figure out how we're going to pay our bills.
5. Having my parenting judged by people who have no idea what it's like to parent a child with special needs.
6. Matthew's unemployment.
7. Being so physically tired.
And since I'm in a listing mood, here are an equal number of things that I'm thankful for:
1. That I've lost 27lbs in the last couple of months.
2. That Sullivan has great doctors and therapists who push him and want the best for him.
3. That the seizures are quiet.
4. That Matthew is graduating this Fall (Lord-willing!).
5. That I now have a part time job.
6. That we have each other and a roof over our heads.
7. That God hears our hearts and answers our prayers.