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Friday, July 27, 2012


So today marks 1 week since I stopped sleeping. I feel like utter poo but I did get my office semi cleaned out today so hooray! It's really hard on everyone when I get like this.. I just wish I could shut my mind off and sleep. Ambian is looking super good right about now. Might be time to talk to my doctor.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012


Today I had one of "those" kids.. you know the ones. By the time church started I was happy to drop him off in the nursery and go to my class. I thought I was going to lose my mind. The whining and the tantrums are increasing and it terrifies me. Holly and Jan could barely work with him in therapy today and I just didn't even know what to do. When he gets going there is no making him happy; HE has to decide when he's done. I don't know if he's just being a 13 month old or if the pressure is back. He was 5 1/2 months old when he had surgery and while that was 8 months ago I still clearly remember what life was like then, and it wasn't sunshine and roses. Monday's appointment with Dr. Kelly can't come soon enough for me.

I feel like as the day progressed I just got more and more irritated. I wasn't irritated at anything in particular, just everything. I'm going to have to apologize to the poor girl at McDonald's the next time we're in there because I wasn't very nice when we were ordering. Why is it that they change their menu every week anyway?! When we got home from church I just started cleaning. I clean when I'm stressed out or when I'm angry. I scrubbed the whole bathroom, cleaned the kitchen, washed a load of laundry, and mopped 3 rooms before I finally decided I was calm enough to sit and get lost in the computer for a bit. I feel like there are so many things bugging me right now so I'm going to do something crazy and just list them:

1. Having to start over on my Metformin regimen and deal with side effects again.
2. Sullivan's medical problems and not knowing how to help him.
3. Matthew's schoolwork and the time it takes away from our family.
4. Trying to figure out how we're going to pay our bills.
5. Having my parenting judged by people who have no idea what it's like to parent a child with special needs.
6. Matthew's unemployment.
7. Being so physically tired.

And since I'm in a listing mood, here are an equal number of things that I'm thankful for:

1. That I've lost 27lbs in the last couple of months.
2. That Sullivan has great doctors and therapists who push him and want the best for him.
3. That the seizures are quiet.
4. That Matthew is graduating this Fall (Lord-willing!).
5. That I now have a part time job.
6. That we have each other and a roof over our heads.
7. That God hears our hearts and answers our prayers.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Body Parts

It's been lively around here the last week or so. Sullivan fell and banged his head last Thursday and has possibly damaged one of the plates. So we're off to see Dr. Kelly next Monday to check things out. When I talked to Dr. Kelly he was actually less worried about the plate and more worried that the back of Sullivan's head has narrowed to about how it was pre-surgery.

If it hasn't refused we might be looking at a helmet or a wait and see approach.. if it's refused we'll be looking at another CVR. We've all had a nice short round of the stomach virus that's going around our town, too, which was especially wonderful.

In other news Sullivan can and will now show us where his belly is!

He's very proud of himself. He's also figured out the sign for "more" but would still rather whine to get what he wants. Sadly I usually give in because in all honesty he's a pretty whiny kid and he wears me down faster these days because of the stress from his noggin.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Sensory Play

It's still in the high 90s here and it's really just too miserable to play outside during the day. Last week our church had VBS; I made several different sensory activities for my preschool craft class so I decided to pull them out for Sullivan today. This morning we played in the cereal sensory box. I loaded it up with familiar toys this time but next time I bring it out I'm thinking items from the kitchen (spoons, a bowl, cookie cutters, etc). S liked the box alot. He would get handfuls of the cereal and drop them back in the box or throw them up in the air. He liked finding all of his toys and examining them.

He played in the box for almost an hour which makes it gold in this house. I didn't even care that he made a mess because really it wasn't that bad. 

It's unsweetened cereal so it isn't sticky at all so clean up wasn't too big of a deal. The cereal is pretty easy to scoop up and was put back in the box for next time.

This afternoon's activity was play dough. I made tons of play dough last week for VBS and it was a huge hit. Lots of people have asked for the recipe; I got it here. Sullivan's PT & ST team teach to get the most cooperation out of him so I thought I would pull from their bag of tricks and try a little of the same. I put the play dough on the top of his wooden toy box so he would have to pull up and stay standing to play. He did great! 

Sullivan liked picking off little pieces of play dough and making his hand print. He started making impressions in the play dough with the bowl so I got out some cookie cutters. The only plastic cutters that I have are Easter themed.. I might need to work on my collection. 

He played for it for quite a while before sampling a bite. I don't think it was very tasty.

All in all a pretty great day at home.

Monday, July 16, 2012

Waving From the Station

I've come to realize that I have several pregnant friends, and by several I mean more than 10. I also have several friends trying to get pregnant, and by several I mean more than 5.. and those are the ones that I know of. One of my close friends announced her pregnancy recently and I didn't even make it in and out of church that morning before the questions and comments from people started: "When are you going to jump on the baby train, Rachel?" "When are you guys wanting another baby?" "Remember not to drink the water..." ... you get the idea. Surprisingly I get these questions alot, too much if you ask me considering Sullivan is only 13 months old. But here's my short and simple answer...

I'm perfectly content with this little man right here.

"But, Rachel," you say.. "it's unfair to him to be all alone! He'd be much happier with a sibling! Don't you want a little girl?!"

Those are not valid enough reasons, for us, to have another child. I'm not saying we don't ever want another child... I'm just certain that, Lord willing, another child won't come out of this body. My body hated being pregnant, and it almost killed me. Much to everyone's surprise our reasoning for not wanting another child right now has nothing to do with Sullivan's medical problems, and everything to do with mine.

Matthew and I also feel like we want to fully enjoy Sullivan's childhood, and that's another reason we're not even considering another child until Sullivan is in school.

So hop on that baby train, ladies and ENJOY it. If you're happy, I'm happy for you! Just know that I am just as happy waving at you from the station.